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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Court Rules Against Warrantless Wiretapping

A federal judge in Detroit ordered a halt to warrantless wiretapping. What do you think?
  • "Great—now we're going to have out-of-work surveillance experts flooding the job market. There go my chances at Radio Shack."

    Lloyd Greer Unemployed
  • "Damn activist judges. Who are they to check the powers of another branch of government?"

    Mary Bedford Systems Analyst
  • "What about the presidential right to the element of surprise? Isn't that guaranteed by the Constitution?"

    Michael Nostrand Spice Salesperson
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