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How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.
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Court Rules Against Warrantless Wiretapping

A federal judge in Detroit ordered a halt to warrantless wiretapping. What do you think?
  • "Great—now we're going to have out-of-work surveillance experts flooding the job market. There go my chances at Radio Shack."

    Lloyd Greer Unemployed
  • "Damn activist judges. Who are they to check the powers of another branch of government?"

    Mary Bedford Systems Analyst
  • "What about the presidential right to the element of surprise? Isn't that guaranteed by the Constitution?"

    Michael Nostrand Spice Salesperson

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