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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Court Rules Loughner Can Be Forcibly Medicated

A U.S. court of appeals ruled that Jared Loughner, who attempted to kill Rep. Gabrielle Giffords (D-AZ) last year, could continue to be medicated against his will. What do you think?

  • "Why would you put him on medication? He seems happy the way he is."

    Jessie Patterson Hull Inspector
  • "Instead of medicating him, they should just ignore him until he feels stupid."

    Devin Scipio Systems Analyst
  • “Geez, some fellas just can’t seem to catch a break.”

    Oren Kelly Unemployed
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