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A Primer On The Dark Web

With many crimes now originating on encrypted areas of the internet, many wonder about the so-called dark web and its activities. The Onion provides a primer on this obscured digital space:

Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.
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Cow Genome Outlined

After six years of work, 300 scientists have unraveled the bovine genome, which may lead to better milk and meat production. What do you think?
  • "If that only took six years, then shrimp is going to be easy."

    Richard Infield Systems Analyst
  • "We can map the genome, but will we ever unravel the bovine mind?"

    Eileen O’Connor Creative Director
  • "All that in just six years? Wow, that's so amazing. If you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic. And I'm being sarcastic because I don't understand the significance of the study."

    David Regan Bank Teller
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