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A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.
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COX-2 Inhibitors

The FDA is currently deciding whether to restrict the use of COX-2 inhibitors, the widely used class of pain drugs which includes Vioxx. What do you think?
  • "Jesus, a couple people's hearts explode, and everyone goes nuts."

    Sylvia Drake Podiatrist
  • "I'm confused. How did they separate the effects of Vioxx from the other 1,372 things that give Americans heart attacks?"

    Carson Bloom Systems Analyst
  • "I hope the invisible hand of capitalism is trained in CPR."

    Joe Moran Plasterer
  • "Hey, what about all the horrible side effects these drugs don't cause?"

    Eric Baumgartner Sound Producer
  • "I wondered why that Celebrex TV ad showed an old guy in the middle of a sun-drenched wheat field having a heart attack."

    Pat Adkins Prison Guard
  • "They're gonna ban COX-2 inhibitors? But that's my third-favorite class of painkillers."

    Lisa Layman Urban Planner
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