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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Craigslist Stops Running Erotic Services Ads

In light of recent controversy, including the case of the "Craigslist killer," the Internet classified service announced it was eliminating its erotic services category. What do you think?
  • "Even without Craigslist, people are still going to find a way to either murder or get murdered during sex."

    Barbara Hanan Systems Analyst
  • "Good. I'm tired of all those inappropriate responses whenever I try to find a waterskiing partner."

    Robert Margolin Highway Maintenance Worker
  • "Yeah, since they removed all the postings, I'd just like to use this opportunity to say that if any uncut twinks are looking for rough service, I'll be in room 241 at the Radisson tonight."

    Jonathan Miller Massage Therapist

More from this section

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.

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