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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Crane Collapse Delays National Cathedral Repair

A 500-ton crane set up to repair earthquake damage at the National Cathedral in Washington collapsed Wednesday, damaging several cars and a nearby building, but sparing the church itself. What do you think?

  • "Once again God expresses His disapproval of the sinful creations of Hollywood. Because, you know, they use cranes for shooting movies."

    Beth Popple Systems Analyst
  • "I sense the intervention of a merciful God in this. Well, after He fucked up and let the earthquake damage the cathedral in the first place."

    Chris Evans Unemployed
  • "That other building wasn't Dr. Philips' Dental Clinic, was it? Because I have an appointment tomorrow morning."

    Tommy Innes Amalgamator
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