adBlockCheck

Recent News

Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
End Of Section
  • More News

Crane Collapse Delays National Cathedral Repair

A 500-ton crane set up to repair earthquake damage at the National Cathedral in Washington collapsed Wednesday, damaging several cars and a nearby building, but sparing the church itself. What do you think?

  • "Once again God expresses His disapproval of the sinful creations of Hollywood. Because, you know, they use cranes for shooting movies."

    Beth Popple Systems Analyst
  • "I sense the intervention of a merciful God in this. Well, after He fucked up and let the earthquake damage the cathedral in the first place."

    Chris Evans Unemployed
  • "That other building wasn't Dr. Philips' Dental Clinic, was it? Because I have an appointment tomorrow morning."

    Tommy Innes Amalgamator

More from this section

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close