adBlockCheck

Recent News

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
End Of Section
  • More News

‘Crazy’ Ants Swarm Across Southeastern U.S.

An invasive species known as crazy ants is rapidly crowding out fire ant species in the Southeast, causing havoc by invading homes, nesting in walls, and damaging appliances and electrical equipment by swarming inside of them. What do you think?

  • “We need to, as a society, understand why our ants have gone crazy.”

    Richard Judge Harpsichord Maker
  • “The caste system, the slave raids, the polymorphism—being an ant is enough to drive anyone crazy.”

    Yvonne Cowland Soils Engineer
  • “Shit. That’s better than crazy skeeters, though.”

    Barry Kelly Upholstery Cleaner

More from this section

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close