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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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‘Crazy’ Ants Swarm Across Southeastern U.S.

An invasive species known as crazy ants is rapidly crowding out fire ant species in the Southeast, causing havoc by invading homes, nesting in walls, and damaging appliances and electrical equipment by swarming inside of them. What do you think?

  • “We need to, as a society, understand why our ants have gone crazy.”

    Richard Judge Harpsichord Maker
  • “The caste system, the slave raids, the polymorphism—being an ant is enough to drive anyone crazy.”

    Yvonne Cowland Soils Engineer
  • “Shit. That’s better than crazy skeeters, though.”

    Barry Kelly Upholstery Cleaner

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