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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

Overeager Simpleton Destroys That Which He Loves Most

WICHITA, KS—Agonizingly unaware of his own strength and the devastation it might inflict on the innocent, overeager simpleton Rob McCormick tore apart a bag of potato chips Thursday, despite the fact that it was reportedly what he loved most in all the world.
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Creation Museum Grand Opening

The Creation Museum, which holds that the Bible is the supreme authority, opened last week in Kentucky. What do you think?
  • "It's going to face some tough competition when the nearby Flat Earth and Gravity Schmavity Museums opens up."

    Allen Hand Systems Analyst
  • "As someone who only likes exhibits that agree with me, it's nice to have an option besides the Coca-Cola Museum."

    LJ Ruch Photo Developer
  • "Opening? Heresy! The Creation Museum has existed since the beginning of time!"

    Apryl Lindhurst Bus Driver

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