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A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.
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Crippled Cruise Ship Docking Today

A crippled cruise ship owned by the Carnival Corporation was towed to the Seychelles after a fire broke out in the engine room and knocked out power, resulting in the second major accident for the company in the past six weeks. What do you think?

  • “They must be gearing up for something really big for their 100th anniversary tribute to the sinking of the Titanic this April 15."

    Carly Burns Loft Worker
  • “Hey, give them a break! What about the thousands of passengers they haven’t killed or scared the shit out of?”

    Adam Flynn Window Repairer
  • “Hopefully the entertainer-hypnotist from the nightly 7:30 p.m. post-buffet shows was able to convince everyone they were still having a good time."

    Roy Walker Unemployed
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