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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Crisis Provokes Anger At God

According to a study published in the Journal Of Personality And Social Psychology, two out of three people become angry with God following traumatic events, such as a cancer diagnosis. What do you think?

  • "That's just silly. God only has control over things like helping you find a great parking spot or allowing you to get home in time to watch Cake Boss."

    Lindsey Rafferty Carpet Salesperson
  • "That's got to be really frustrating for the Devil."

    Dan Egan Systems Analyst
  • "If this study doesn't convince God to stop doing terrible things, I don't know what will."

    Stealer Unemployed

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