Crist Dumps Republicans

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Vol 46 Issue 17

PNC Park Sold Out For 'Fan Euthanasia Night'

PITTSBURGH—PNC Park boasted a rare sellout crowd Tuesday when more than 38,000 eager Pirates fans showed up for "Fan Euthanasia Night," during which each attendee was guaranteed "the sweet release of a quick and painless death" c...

Player Drafted At Linebacker To Start At Realtor

OAKLAND, CA—The Raiders organization welcomed sixth-round draft choice Travis Goethel Wednesday and said the Arizona State linebacker would more than likely be asked to start as a Bay-area Realtor by the beginning of next season.

Money Spent For Old Time's Sake

BROCKWAY, PA—Harkening back to an abandoned custom that had long existed only in memory, 28-year-old unemployed graphic designer Leslie Gordon exchanged currency for physical goods at a local shopping establishment Friday.
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Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Originality

Crist Dumps Republicans

After losing ground to his Republican opponent in the Republican primary, Florida governor Charlie Crist announced yesterday that he would be running for the U.S. Senate as an independent. What do you think?

  • "That would almost certainly give Bernie Sanders, Joe Lieberman, and Charlie Crist the most powerful three-man caucus in the Senate."

    Karen Carlisle
    Systems Analyst
  • "He'll just go crawling back to the Republican party once he starts losing in the independent primary."

    Lane Sheppard
    Jacquard-Lance Weaver
  • "How could he abandon his party like that? Just because they turned their backs on him to act insane? That's no reason."

    Wayne Doukas
    Unemployed
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