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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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Crocodile Hunter Dead At 44

Steve Irwin, star of Discovery Channel’s The Crocodile Hunter, was killed by a stingray while filming in Australia. What do you think?
  • "Shocking! Who knew a single stingray could take down a cable channel 10 times its size?"

    Mike Sanders Janitor
  • "Man, talk about stinging the heart that pumps the blood to the hand that feeds you."

    Janelle Silvers Media Analyst
  • "Called it! Four years ago, I saw him handle a black mamba, and I turned to my wife and said, 'I bet he's going to die one day,' and sure enough, he died."

    Thomas Wright Bike Repairperson

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