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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.
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Crystal Cathedral Sold

The Crystal Cathedral, the Orange County, CA megachurch started by televangelist Robert Schuller, has been sold to an investment group so the church can restructure its debt. What do you think?

  • "Not surprised the Crystal Cathedral is bankrupt. I only go into megachurches if I want to pick up a little affirmation or need a few Bible verses."

    Keith LaBoe Ware Tester
  • "Since Rev. Schuller stopped broadcasting, I've discovered Rabbi Leibowitz and the Diamond Synagogue are better at fulfilling my spiritual needs."

    Elizabeth Viner De-Alcoholizer
  • "My prayers have been answered! Someone talked to me today! Thanks!"

    Gerry Epps Unemployed

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