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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.
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Crystal Returns To Oscars

After Eddie Murphy backed out of hosting the Academy Awards last week, his fellow Saturday Night Live alum Billy Crystal agreed once again to assume Oscar-emcee duties. What do you think?

  • "I was hoping they were just going to cancel the Oscars this year."

    Mark Krebbs Systems Analyst
  • "Naturally. I saw him in The Princess Bride just the other day, and boy is he looking great!"

    Louise Tenner Electrologist
  • "It looks like Crystal’s plan for branching out into other national motion picture awards ceremonies didn’t pan out."

    Liam Garrett Knock-Up Assembler

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