Cuba Going Capitalist?

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Vol 46 Issue 37

Weird Coworker Knows Where Every NFL Player Went To College

PHILADELPHIA—Whether it be a top rookie from last year's draft or an obscure offensive lineman who has been in the league for 14 years, SRS Consulting's Ryan Janis seems to know where every NFL player went to college, his coworkers confirmed Monday.
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Pop Culture

Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Productivity

Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

Cuba Going Capitalist?

Less than a week after the publication of an interview in which Fidel Castro allegedly admitted his nation’s economic system was a failure, Cuba announced it would lay off up to 1 million or more government employees. What do you think?

  • "But the Cuban sandwich is in no danger of losing its position, right?"

    Heather Altman
    Field Coordinator
  • "Not sure what's worse: a completely unrepentant tyrant, or one who admits he did all the wrong things for decades."

    Don Marine
    Systems Analyst
  • "Goddammit, I was just about to send off some resumés to Cuba."

    Matt Bloczynski
    Unemployed
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