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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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Cuban Leadership Passed To Castro's Brother

Cuban leader Fidel Castro, 80, will for the first time temporarily hand over power to his brother, Raul, while he recovers from gastrointestinal surgery. What do you think?
  • "I'm used to the human rights violations, but I had hoped Castro was above nepotism."

    Leah Davis Telemarketer
  • "Funny how this 'surgery' happens to coincide with the finals of America's Got Talent. I'm just saying, keep an eye out for a 6'4" bearded man whose talent is smoking 8 cigars at the same time."

    Matt Ruben Image Consultant
  • "So I swam all the way over to America to avoid persecution just for the guy to die 16 years later? Nuts!"

    Julio Cruz Systems Analyst

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