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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Cuban Leadership Passed To Castro's Brother

Cuban leader Fidel Castro, 80, will for the first time temporarily hand over power to his brother, Raul, while he recovers from gastrointestinal surgery. What do you think?
  • "I'm used to the human rights violations, but I had hoped Castro was above nepotism."

    Leah Davis Telemarketer
  • "Funny how this 'surgery' happens to coincide with the finals of America's Got Talent. I'm just saying, keep an eye out for a 6'4" bearded man whose talent is smoking 8 cigars at the same time."

    Matt Ruben Image Consultant
  • "So I swam all the way over to America to avoid persecution just for the guy to die 16 years later? Nuts!"

    Julio Cruz Systems Analyst

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God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.

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