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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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CVS To Become First Major Drugstore To Stop Selling Tobacco

Though standing to lose $2 billion in annual sales, the CVS Caremark company announced today that it would stop selling cigarettes and other tobacco products by Oct. 1 because they believe it’s inconsistent with their goal of delivering health care to customers. What do you think?’

  • “Thank God Rite Aid doesn’t give a shit about me.”

    Christine Muir Systems Analyst
  • “Good. I don’t want cigarettes sold in the same place I get my flu shot, Red Bull, and mini-donuts.”

    Cory Wheeler Technical College Provost
  • “Whatever, Walgreens has better buckets of toy bulldozers, anyway.”

    Kevin Sears Rec League Organizer
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