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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Cyber Monday Sales Projected To Top Records

Online analysts have projected that Cyber Monday sales will reach $2.27 billion this year, making it the highest online shopping day in the nation’s history. What do you think?

  • “Wow, that’s awesome! A big congrats to all the corporations out there.”

    Corey Cummings Systems Analyst
  • “What exact time will that begin? I’m looking for ways to move with the herd.”

    Joy Reardon Estate Groundskeeper
  • “Having a computer is finally paying off!”

    Aaron Schuyler Stockbroker

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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

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