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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Trump Plans To ‘Drain The Swamp’

One of Donald Trump’s central presidential campaign promises was to “drain the swamp” by ridding Washington politics of corruption and corporate influence. Here’s how he plans to do it.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Da Vinci Code Released

The release of The Da Vinci Code, the long-awaited film adaptation of the bestselling novel, is being met with controversy. What do you think?
  • "This movie is going to be huge. It's got the three elements of every blockbuster: Fine art, obscure religious references, and Audrey Tautou."

    Seymour McLeesh Systems Analyst
  • "I've been waiting my whole life to hear, 'Oh, no, Jesus ditn't!' shouted in a movie theater. Perhaps now that dream may come true."

    Matt Medsker Dramaturge
  • "Yet another film with an evil albino. I put it to you, Hollywood: When are you going to give me a positive albino role model?"

    Larry Brun Production Assistant

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