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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Dancers Arrested At Jefferson Memorial

U.S. Park Police arrested five people for "expressive dancing" in the Jefferson Memorial in Washington, D.C. What do you think?

  • "Maybe next they can stop people from crying in front of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial. It's annoying."

    Lucy Reid Knife Changer
  • "That's ridiculous! Wait, was that at Jefferson Memorial the memorial or Jefferson Memorial the club?"

    George Colbert Unit Clerk
  • "As the videotape showed, it was a complete overreaction to a harmless, peaceful demonstration, and I, for one, have never laughed harder."

    Lee King Hand Mounter

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