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Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.
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Danish Cartoons Offend European Muslims

A series of recent political cartoons, published initially in Denmark and reprinted by seven other European newspapers, has offended Muslims with its depictions of Muhammad, including one with a bomb for a turban. What do you think?
  • "I don't get it. Is it funny because all Arab people smell bad?"

    Wayne Montana Food Wholesaler
  • "I guess the blasphemous "Marmaduke" comic where the irascible Great Dane refuses to get off Jesus' couch taught the world nothing."

    Tammy Mulvenna Mail Sorter
  • "Boy, Europe is really ahead of us. I still have to go into the bathroom of an Arby's here in order to see something that's offensive to Muslims."

    Damon Locks Systems Analyst

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