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Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Daughter Taken From Mom After Botox Admission

After telling Good Morning America she gave her 8-year-old Botox injections to make her more competitive in beauty pageants, California mother Kerry Campbell lost custody of her daughter to the state. What do you think?

  • "Well, if that poor little girl sees my daughter in foster care, maybe she can remind her it's heel, toe, step, then smile! We can still win this, Caroline!"

    Mara Oates Housewife
  • "Botox? Come on, who goes to a child beauty pageant to look at the faces?"

    Dean Johnson Systems Analyst
  • "Wow. So that girl gets to stay beautiful forever and gets away from her evil mother? It's like a fairy tale!"

    Stephen Phillips Unemployed
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