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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Daughter Taken From Mom After Botox Admission

After telling Good Morning America she gave her 8-year-old Botox injections to make her more competitive in beauty pageants, California mother Kerry Campbell lost custody of her daughter to the state. What do you think?

  • "Well, if that poor little girl sees my daughter in foster care, maybe she can remind her it's heel, toe, step, then smile! We can still win this, Caroline!"

    Mara Oates Housewife
  • "Botox? Come on, who goes to a child beauty pageant to look at the faces?"

    Dean Johnson Systems Analyst
  • "Wow. So that girl gets to stay beautiful forever and gets away from her evil mother? It's like a fairy tale!"

    Stephen Phillips Unemployed

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