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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Daughter Taken From Mom After Botox Admission

After telling Good Morning America she gave her 8-year-old Botox injections to make her more competitive in beauty pageants, California mother Kerry Campbell lost custody of her daughter to the state. What do you think?

  • "Well, if that poor little girl sees my daughter in foster care, maybe she can remind her it's heel, toe, step, then smile! We can still win this, Caroline!"

    Mara Oates Housewife
  • "Botox? Come on, who goes to a child beauty pageant to look at the faces?"

    Dean Johnson Systems Analyst
  • "Wow. So that girl gets to stay beautiful forever and gets away from her evil mother? It's like a fairy tale!"

    Stephen Phillips Unemployed
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