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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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David Blaine Accidentally Shoots Self During Trick

Illusionist David Blaine reportedly suffered minor gum and throat injuries while attempting a trick that involved shooting a gun into his face and catching the bullet in a metal cup behind his teeth. What do you think?

  • “A metal cup! Of course!”

    Shaun Collins Pea Sheller
  • “You can only shoot yourself so many times in the mouth before something bad happens.”

    Serena Montoya Sugar Whitener
  • “We shouldn’t allow magicians to have guns. They’re powerful enough.”

    Cameron Browning Crouton Rationer
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