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David Bowie Releases First New Music In 10 Years

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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David Bowie Releases First New Music In 10 Years

In a surprise online release on his 66th birthday, innovative British musician David Bowie made public his first new song in almost a decade today, a track titled “Where Are We Now?” that will be featured on his forthcoming studio album The Next Day. What do you think?

  • “Leave it to David Bowie to do something revolutionary like release his music on the Internet.”

    John Waterbury Dissolver Operator
  • “Oh, man. Not making music for 10 years and then releasing a song on your 66th birthday is so Bowie.”

    Kristin Dozier Hydroponics Grower
  • “I’m going to withhold judgment until the most repulsive people on earth leave comments about it on music and news blogs.”

    Donald Okumoto Unemployed

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