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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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David Bowie Releases First New Music In 10 Years

In a surprise online release on his 66th birthday, innovative British musician David Bowie made public his first new song in almost a decade today, a track titled “Where Are We Now?” that will be featured on his forthcoming studio album The Next Day. What do you think?

  • “Leave it to David Bowie to do something revolutionary like release his music on the Internet.”

    John Waterbury Dissolver Operator
  • “Oh, man. Not making music for 10 years and then releasing a song on your 66th birthday is so Bowie.”

    Kristin Dozier Hydroponics Grower
  • “I’m going to withhold judgment until the most repulsive people on earth leave comments about it on music and news blogs.”

    Donald Okumoto Unemployed
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