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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.
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Daylight Saving Time Earlier

Daylight Saving Time went into effect this past weekend, three weeks earlier than usual. What do you think?
  • "I guess that explains why I was seven and a half hours late for work on Monday."

    Tyler Jones Fork Lift Operator
  • "Can they move Christmas to May next?"

    Andie McLintock Tax Preparer
  • "The early date finally let me live out my fantasy of calling my mom to remind her before she had a chance to call me. Ha ha! Fuck you, Mom."

    Horace Taylor X-Ray Technician

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