adBlockCheck

Recent News

Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
End Of Section
  • More News

DEA Forgets Man In Cell For 4 Days

The Drug Enforcement Agency apologized to 23-year-old Daniel Chong for leaving him locked alone in a cell without food, water, or a toilet for four days. What do you think?

  • "It's jail. You're not supposed to get all those fancy luxuries."

    Stacey Muller Systems Analyst
  • "It’s not enough for the DEA to apologize. They also need to add the part about this being just a big misunderstanding."

    Eric Garner Key Clerk
  • “Well, that's probably less terrible than the CIA locking you up and remembering.”

    Elmer Naumann Chief Inspector

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close