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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Deadly Strain Of Bird Flu Spreading In China

A strain of avian flu known as H7N9 has infected at least 24 people and killed seven in Eastern China, prompting the government to kill tens of thousands of fowl in an effort to stem the spread. What do you think?

  • “The nice thing is that in China you can just throw dead animals in the river and not worry about it anymore.”

    Aaron Meredith Fine Sander
  • “It’s like every time things are starting to look up for me, the bird flu comes along.”

    Tom Wahlquist Crab Butcher
  • “I’m impressed China even noticed seven people were gone.”

    Linda Kolsrud Battery Tester

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