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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Death Penalty For Hussein?

Chief prosecutor Jaafar al-Moussawi called for the death penalty for Saddam Hussein for crimes against humanity during attacks on Shiite civilians in the 1980s. What do you think?
  • "This is unfair. The man made an honest mistake: he simply thought, when he killed all those people, that he would never have to face the consequences."

    Graham Kincaid Herbalist
  • "I'd just hate for this to be one of those cases where, years later, DNA evidence surfaces linking the mass murder to some other dictator."

    Thomas Dawes Systems Analyst
  • "All this death-penalty speculation is premature. We haven't even heard Saddam's closing arguments yet."

    Alleen Parker Carpet Installer

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