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Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.
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Death Penalty For Hussein?

Chief prosecutor Jaafar al-Moussawi called for the death penalty for Saddam Hussein for crimes against humanity during attacks on Shiite civilians in the 1980s. What do you think?
  • "This is unfair. The man made an honest mistake: he simply thought, when he killed all those people, that he would never have to face the consequences."

    Graham Kincaid Herbalist
  • "I'd just hate for this to be one of those cases where, years later, DNA evidence surfaces linking the mass murder to some other dictator."

    Thomas Dawes Systems Analyst
  • "All this death-penalty speculation is premature. We haven't even heard Saddam's closing arguments yet."

    Alleen Parker Carpet Installer

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