Death With Dignity Upheld

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Department Of Labor Study Confirms Your Job Most Demanding

‘None Of Your Friends Understand How Hard It Is,’ Report Reads

WASHINGTON—Noting that the level of mental strain associated with the profession was far and away the highest recorded, a federal study on workplace conditions and occupational stress released Thursday has confirmed that your job is the most demanding career in the entire nation, and that none of your friends or family fully understand how hard it is.

Neighborhood Starting To Get Too Safe For Family To Afford

CHICAGO—Explaining that the sense of unease she felt walking to and from her home had declined markedly over the years, Humboldt Park resident Kirsten Healy expressed her disappointment to reporters Thursday that her neighborhood was becoming too safe for her family to afford.
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  • Man’s Body Running Out Of Ideas To Convince Him He Full

    BAYTOWN, TX—Having repeatedly ratcheted up the 34-year-old’s level of discomfort with no noticeable effect on his behavior, the body of local man Kent Dugan confirmed Wednesday that it was starting to run out of ideas to convince him that he was full.

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Death With Dignity Upheld

The Supreme Court upheld Oregon's Death With Dignity Act, a law that enables Oregon doctors to help terminally ill patients die. What do you think?
  • "These liberal judges are making it way too easy for people to die of an incurable disease."

    Patrick Gunn
    Cartographer
  • "Can't Congress hold an emergency session to address this?"

    Barbara O'Toole
    Antiques Dealer
  • "I'll only do it if my doctor is willing to uphold the strict terms of the murder-suicide pact."

    Jack Turner
    Systems Analyst