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Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Defenders Of Wikileaks Cripple Credit Cards

After MasterCard and Visa stopped letting customers use their services to send financial support to Wikileaks, hackers targeted the credit cards’ websites, making them difficult to access for most of Wednesday. What do you think?

  • "That doesn't sound so bad. I'm sure Americans just did what they do best: used the cash they had on hand for the things they really needed and waited until they’d saved up enough to purchase any luxury items."

    Kyra Walters Systems Analyst
  • "What kind of fascist corporate sheep own a MasterCard in the first place? And I'll go you one further: Fuck the capitalist-puppet Internet and its decadent bourgeois hacker-lackeys, too. There. Wriggle out of that one."

    Mike Totino Retail Clerk
  • "Actually, I think that was mostly me. I kept resubmitting my credit card info to Blinds.com over and over until I realized I put the expiration date in wrong. Sorry."

    Ed von Trapp Warp Clamper

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