adBlockCheck

Recent News

Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
End Of Section
  • More News

Defense Labs Hack May Be Chinese

A cyberattack on computers in a U.S. nuclear weapons laboratory is suspected to have been of Chinese origin. What do you think?
  • "I guess they should probably start requiring a password at www.AmericanNuclearSecrets.com."

    Fritz Klasko Porter
  • "It's going to be tough to catch those responsible since there are 1,321,851,888 suspects."

    Samantha McGeorge Hypno-Therapist
  • "I'm confident that people who really appreciate nuclear weapons technology will wait for the official U.S. launch in July."

    Henry Lee Dog Walker

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close