Defense Secretary Warns Of Cyber Terrorism

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Vol 48 Issue 41

Taylor Harris

Leukemia sufferer Taylor Harris passed away Sunday afternoon, mere seconds after the Minnesota Vikings and the Make-A-Wish Foundation fulfilled the 9-year-old’s dream of fielding an NFL kickoff.

Secretary Of Interior Decks Smart-Ass Buffalo

LIMON, CO—Saying the 1,800-pound bovine had it coming, Secretary of the Interior Ken Salazar decked a wise-ass bison during his recent visit to the Prairie Ridge Buffalo Farm, sources confirmed Saturday. The prick buffalo reportedly exhibited a shit...

Outfit Just Screams 'Police Officer'

Mr. Autumn Man walks down the street with a cup of coffee, wearing sweater over a plaid collared shirt, the seed of World War III is planted in a Beijing Middle School gym class, and the nation did not see Mark Wahlberg's sex change coming.

Toyota Issues Its Largest-Ever Recall

Toyota has recalled 7.4 million automobiles worldwide, including 2.5 million in the United States, amid reports that a malfunctioning power-window switch had been linked to more than 160 instances of fire and smoke emanating from car doors.
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    Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.

Race Relations

Defense Secretary Warns Of Cyber Terrorism

Warning that Internet worms and malware could devastate the U.S. power grid, transportation network, and financial system, Defense Secretary Leon Panetta urged the nation to invest heavily in cyber security to avoid an “electronic Pearl Harbor.” What do you think?

  • “Oh, boy. I’ll start being more vigilant when I’m fucking around on the Internet.”

    Tim Body
    Prism Inspector
  • “Have we been changing our passwords? You’re supposed to do that.”

    Dixie Dudman
    Furnace Mason
  • “This seems like a good way to spend all that government money that’s been lying around.”

    Roy Krepala
    Systems Analyst
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