Dell Recalls 4 Million Batteries

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Roger Federer Stunned By Sheer Amount Of Trash On U.S. Open Courts

NEW YORK—Surveying the piles of wrappers, old newspapers, and empty bottles scattered around the playing surface during his pre-match warmups, world No. 2–ranked tennis player Roger Federer expressed utter disbelief Monday over the sheer amount of trash on the U.S. Open courts.

God Wondering How Far He Could Throw Earth

THE HEAVENS—His gaze shifting from the terrestrial planet out to the expanse of the universe and then back, The Lord Almighty, Our Heavenly Father, reportedly wondered aloud Tuesday just how far He could throw the Earth.

Strongside/Weakside: Serena Williams

Serena Williams is aiming to clinch a historic calendar Grand Slam at this year’s U.S. Open, forever enshrining her as the last American tennis player worth talking about. Is she any good?

The Pros And Cons Of Legalizing Prostitution

Several global advocacy groups, including the World Health Organization, Amnesty International, and Human Rights Watch, are calling for the decriminalization of prostitution, but many are fighting to keep the practice illegal, citing the moral, ethical, and practical concerns of condoning the sale of sex. Here are the pros and cons of legalizing prostitution:
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  • Man’s Body Running Out Of Ideas To Convince Him He Full

    BAYTOWN, TX—Having repeatedly ratcheted up the 34-year-old’s level of discomfort with no noticeable effect on his behavior, the body of local man Kent Dugan confirmed Wednesday that it was starting to run out of ideas to convince him that he was full.

Dell Recalls 4 Million Batteries

In the largest consumer-electronics recall in history, Dell has been forced to call back more than 4 million laptop batteries because of possible fire danger. What do you think?
  • "That's too bad. My Dell laptop's constant overheating was the only thing I could rely on it for."

    Zach Pufall
    Student
  • "Recalls are such hassles—the packaging, the shipping, the waiting. Frankly, I'd rather save the time and just let my house burn down."

    Casey Hamer
    Appliance Repairman
  • "Can I have mine shipped straight to the Bangalore call center? Because I'd like 'Jim' to take a shot turning it off and on for awhile."

    Carolle Fields
    Network Program Assistant