Dell Recalls 4 Million Batteries

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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This Great Song, Bar Sources Report

TOMAH, WI—Pausing their conversations momentarily to call attention to the music playing on the establishment’s jukebox, sources at local bar Shepherd’s confirmed to reporters Friday that this is a great song.

Dell Recalls 4 Million Batteries

In the largest consumer-electronics recall in history, Dell has been forced to call back more than 4 million laptop batteries because of possible fire danger. What do you think?
  • "That's too bad. My Dell laptop's constant overheating was the only thing I could rely on it for."

    Zach Pufall
  • "Recalls are such hassles—the packaging, the shipping, the waiting. Frankly, I'd rather save the time and just let my house burn down."

    Casey Hamer
    Appliance Repairman
  • "Can I have mine shipped straight to the Bangalore call center? Because I'd like 'Jim' to take a shot turning it off and on for awhile."

    Carolle Fields
    Network Program Assistant