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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
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Delta Highest In Pet Deaths

According to documents filed with the Federal Aviation Administration, Delta Airlines accounted for 19 of the 35 flying-related pet deaths in 2011. What do you think?

  • "Delta should take the initiative and advertise how great their air filters are at removing so much of the dead pet smell."

    Maxwell Preston Pony Edger
  • "To Delta's credit, though, their employees are willing to go along with the made-up story you tell your kids about how the ol' boy was jettisoned over a beautiful farm upstate."

    Tina Black Wig Dresser
  • "And what’s worse, no set of noise-canceling headphones in the world can drown out the horrible sound of all that ghost barking."

    Guy Lukin Unemployed

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