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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Delta Highest In Pet Deaths

According to documents filed with the Federal Aviation Administration, Delta Airlines accounted for 19 of the 35 flying-related pet deaths in 2011. What do you think?

  • "Delta should take the initiative and advertise how great their air filters are at removing so much of the dead pet smell."

    Maxwell Preston Pony Edger
  • "To Delta's credit, though, their employees are willing to go along with the made-up story you tell your kids about how the ol' boy was jettisoned over a beautiful farm upstate."

    Tina Black Wig Dresser
  • "And what’s worse, no set of noise-canceling headphones in the world can drown out the horrible sound of all that ghost barking."

    Guy Lukin Unemployed
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