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Politics

Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Democrats In Disarray

Having lost control of the Senate and lacking a clear leader and message, the Democratic Party appears to be in disarray. What do you think?
  • "As a Democrat, I have high hopes in 2004 for Rep. Tom Lanford, a charismatic young centrist from Ohio with a clear vision for the party. Okay, I just made him up."

    Marjorie Stamp Nurse
  • "In this time of war, the Democrats have unselfishly recognized that America simply cannot afford to have two strong, competing parties."

    Al Fanseca Systems Analyst
  • "All the Democrats I've talked to know exactly what they stand for: not being Republicans."

    Rick Snell Carpenter
  • "The Democrats need to find a guy who can shoot lightning out of his fingertips. I'd vote for that guy."

    Donald Paul Tour Guide
  • "One solution to the Democrats' woes is to try to attract more fat, gray-haired white men with lots of sinister connections."

    Rachel Cone Freelance Writer
  • "It's not as bad as it could be. The Democrats could be desperate enough to run Walter Mondale agai–oh, shit."

    Mike Ansel Lawyer

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