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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Dems Force Closed Senate

Minority Leader Harry Reid called for a private Senate session Tuesday to demand an investigation into pre-war intelligence handling. What do you think?
  • "I for one am shocked that the Democrats would attempt to have an effect on national politics."

    Chuck Erskine Firefighter
  • "If they do that too many more times, C-Span is sunk."

    Shane Jewel Steam Fitter
  • "The Senate has far more important things to investigate than corruption in the highest levels of government."

    Rhonda Lennox Operations Manager

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