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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Dems Force Closed Senate

Minority Leader Harry Reid called for a private Senate session Tuesday to demand an investigation into pre-war intelligence handling. What do you think?
  • "I for one am shocked that the Democrats would attempt to have an effect on national politics."

    Chuck Erskine Firefighter
  • "If they do that too many more times, C-Span is sunk."

    Shane Jewel Steam Fitter
  • "The Senate has far more important things to investigate than corruption in the highest levels of government."

    Rhonda Lennox Operations Manager

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