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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Dennis Rodman Calls Kim Jong-Un 'Awesome Guy'

During a goodwill trip to North Korea, former NBA star Dennis Rodman was seen palling around with the country’s leader Kim Jong-un, whom Rodman called a “friend for life,” while also praising Kim’s father and grandfather, Kim Jong-il and Kim Il-sung, as “great leaders.” What do you think?

  • “It’s nice to see Kim Jong-un making friends.”

    Audrey Mann Systems Analyst
  • “They sound really nice. Maybe we’re the problem.”

    Scott Alvarez Indigo Mixer
  • “I don’t care what Dennis Rodman says. I don’t like Kim Jong-un.”

    Dino De Mora Rock Splitter

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