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Depression Sufferers Smoke More

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Voyager Probe Badly Damaged After Smashing Into End Of Universe

PASADENA, CA—Confirming that several components had broken off the craft and that most of its scientific instruments were no longer operational, officials from NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that Voyager 1, the pioneering space probe launched in 1977, had been severely damaged Thursday after crashing into the end of the universe.

Leaked Documents Reveal Studio Executives Knew About ‘Gods Of Egypt’ Before It Released Onto Public

SANTA MONICA, CA—Suggesting that the disastrous events of three months ago could have been averted, federal investigators stated Wednesday that a trove of leaked documents confirmed high-ranking studio executives had full knowledge of Gods Of Egypt long before the film was released onto unsuspecting Americans.Investigators described those who allowed such a screenplay to be carried out as “extremely sick and heartless individuals.”

Books Vs. E-Readers

Though e-readers have increasingly supplanted books in the digital age, many bibliophiles defend the importance of physical texts. Here is a side-by-side comparison of physical books and e-books
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Depression Sufferers Smoke More

A new study reveals that 43 percent of adults who suffer from depression smoke, and that depressed people are less inclined to quit than other smokers. What do you think?

  • "Yeah, depressed people are so cool and sophisticated."

    Chance Ribot Unemployed
  • "Aggravating the problem is how readily nicotine binds to the brain's why-bother-even-getting-out-of-bed receptors."

    Danny Edson Social Worker
  • "Well, you know who's not going to move out on me because its skirt keeps getting stained with nicotine from sitting on the couch? This pack of Camels right here."

    Meredith Lurie Jack Setter

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