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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Depression Sufferers Smoke More

A new study reveals that 43 percent of adults who suffer from depression smoke, and that depressed people are less inclined to quit than other smokers. What do you think?

  • "Yeah, depressed people are so cool and sophisticated."

    Chance Ribot Unemployed
  • "Aggravating the problem is how readily nicotine binds to the brain's why-bother-even-getting-out-of-bed receptors."

    Danny Edson Social Worker
  • "Well, you know who's not going to move out on me because its skirt keeps getting stained with nicotine from sitting on the couch? This pack of Camels right here."

    Meredith Lurie Jack Setter
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