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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Depression & The Second Lady

Last week, former clinical-depression sufferer Tipper Gore held a conference at the White House to raise awareness of mental illness, from which she said 50 million Americans suffer. What do you think about Gore's effort to draw attention to mental health?
  • "I always wondered about the origin of the phrase, 'As batshit insane as a vice-president's wife.'"

    Bryce King Forklift Operator
  • "As Quiet Riot noted, metal health is an extremely serious issue, which, if not detected and treated early, will drive you mad."

    Javier Orza Cashier
  • "When I'm feeling down, there's one sure fire way to get me back on my feet: I start a nationwide right-wing morality crusade against some harmless teen music fad."

    Diane Weston Caterer
  • "What's the big deal? If Tipper becomes too depressed while in office, someone else can cook the state dinners."

    Erick Walker Systems Analyst
  • "Maybe if Tipper tried a little harder to make friends, she wouldn't be so depressed."

    Jill Poulian Librarian
  • "I applaud Tipper Gore for taking a brave stand on this issue. Just between you and me, though, I just knew the bitch was nuts."

    Alan Kretchmer Investment Banker

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