DHS Cuts New York Defense

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JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.

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DHS Cuts New York Defense

The City of New York is up in arms after its Homeland-Security budget was slashed nearly in half. What do you think?
  • "It's about time we shifted that money to protect cities like Omaha, where the world's largest ball of stamps sits completely unsecured."

    Mark Jameson
    Busboy
  • "I'm sick of New Yorkers bragging about all their fancy targets. Take one look at Mackinac Island's fudge-shop row and tell me that wouldn't give a terrorist a few ideas."

    Gina Baird
    Systems Analyst
  • "The news coincides perfectly with the release of my guidebook Protecting New York On $10 A Day."

    Ted Gillespie
    Admissions Agent