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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Dick Cheney’s Daughters Feud Over Gay Marriage

Liz Cheney, who is running for a Senate seat in Wyoming, recently voiced her opposition to gay marriage, prompting her sister, Mary Cheney, who is married to her same-sex partner, to issue a response on Facebook stating that Liz is “on the wrong side of history.” What do you think?

  • “If the Cheney sisters switched spouses for a week, I think we’d all learn a little something about love.”

    Andrew Pastorelli Turbine Assembler
  • “You know how sisters are. One second they’re embroiled in a politically charged skirmish before the eyes of a nation, the next they’re braiding each other’s hair.”

    Pavel Woods Lettuce Trimmer
  • “They should be talking about real issues that affect Wyoming, like fish and game.”

    Claudia Vaughn Systems Analyst

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