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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Dick Cheney’s Daughters Feud Over Gay Marriage

Liz Cheney, who is running for a Senate seat in Wyoming, recently voiced her opposition to gay marriage, prompting her sister, Mary Cheney, who is married to her same-sex partner, to issue a response on Facebook stating that Liz is “on the wrong side of history.” What do you think?

  • “If the Cheney sisters switched spouses for a week, I think we’d all learn a little something about love.”

    Andrew Pastorelli Turbine Assembler
  • “You know how sisters are. One second they’re embroiled in a politically charged skirmish before the eyes of a nation, the next they’re braiding each other’s hair.”

    Pavel Woods Lettuce Trimmer
  • “They should be talking about real issues that affect Wyoming, like fish and game.”

    Claudia Vaughn Systems Analyst
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