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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Diet Could Affect Gender

A new report from Oxford and the University of Exeter in England says that diet at conception can influence the sex of the child. What do you think?
  • "I want a girl but only have ketchup and boiled ham in the fridge. Where does that put me?"

    Kendall Richards Systems Analyst
  • "Maybe, one day, the foods that we eat during conception will stop us from making huge mistakes with dishwasher repairmen from Rahway."

    Elizabeth Houston Bus Driver
  • "And if I'm not mistaken, I heard the diet after birth can influence the weight of the child."

    Beau Justice Drop Forge Operator
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