Diet Soda Linked To Depression

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Vol 49 Issue 03

Bowling!

Let’s go! Come on, it’ll be fun. Have you ever been to the Lucky Star Lanes? They turn on a bunch of neon lights and play disco music after 9!

Bill Belichick Builds New Tight End From Mutilated Dog Parts

FOXBOROUGH, MA—In a savage and gruesome turn of events, Patriots head coach Bill Belichick reportedly slaughtered a half-dozen dogs adopted from the humane society Friday, sewing together the dismembered body parts to construct a new, horrific tight...
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WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Mere...

Diet Soda Linked To Depression

A new study has found a link between clinical depression and the frequent consumption of sweetened fruit drinks, soft drinks, and iced tea, with diet products in particular being associated with higher incidences of the mood disorder. What do you think?

  • “Listen, please just tell me what I have to drink to get my life back on track.”

    Wally Strom
    Unemployed
  • “This doesn’t make sense. How could fruit punch or iced tea make you sad when they have all those pictures of suns on the bottle?”

    Debby Balsam
    Roof Bolter
  • “Ooh, is there a drink associated with being tall?”

    Julio Moreno
    Velvet Steamer
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