adBlockCheck

Recent News

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
End Of Section
  • More News

Digital TV Conversion Delayed

Congress voted to move the conversion to digital television from Feb. 17 to June 12 because of a shortage of government funding for coupons that help defray the cost of converter boxes. What do you think?
  • "Thank God. This saves me weeks of recapping House episodes for my mother over the phone."

    Bob Flicksman Systems Analyst
  • "Great! I love watching those commercials with the old people explaining what digital cable is."

    Jackie Ferarra Application Developer
  • "As long as Congress approves another season of Lost."

    Dave Pittsley Activity Aide

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close