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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Disabled, Sewage-Laden Cruise Ship Returns To Port

Since an engine fire Sunday, the 4,200 people aboard the Carnival cruise ship Triumph have gone without electricity, waited hours in line for food, and endured raw sewage in rooms and on deck, prompting the company to offer reimbursements, $500 in cash, and a credit for a future cruise. What do you think?

  • “Aw, man, all I got was Legionnaire’s Disease on my cruise.”

    Alfredo Mancini Wiring Inspector
  • “On the bright side, I bet more than a few people had their scatological fantasies unexpectedly satisfied.”

    Ernie Biggart Systems Analyst
  • “But did everyone have fun?”

    Sharon Kissick Laryngologist
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