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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Disgraced Congressman Weiner Weighing NYC Mayoral Run

Former Democratic congressman Anthony Weiner of New York, who resigned from office in 2011 after accidentally sharing a photograph of a visible erection in his underwear on Twitter, has said he is considering running for New York City mayor this year. What do you think?

  • “Let he who hath not tweeted a picture of his erect penis cast the first stone.”

    Vic Orsatti Herbarium Curator
  • “He should show he has a sense of humor about the whole scandal by announcing his run while fully erect.”

    Sybil Lykins Accident Report Clerk
  • “I fail to see the humor in all of this. Oh, wait. Now I get it.”

    Elliot Colean Fire Eater
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