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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.
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Disney Buys Lucasfilm For $4 Billion

The Walt Disney Co. purchased Lucasfilm Ltd., the production company of George Lucas, for $4.05 billion in cash and stock Tuesday, announcing it would release a seventh installment in the Star Wars franchise in 2015. What do you think?

  • “Man, Disney doesn’t care about the Star Wars franchise. They only care about making money.”

    Lynda Pethig Fruit Cutter
  • “I’m looking forward to all the attractive, multiethnic teen Jedi Knights with names like Obi-Juan and Liu Skywalker.”

    Roy Skynner Canvas Worker
  • “It was big of Lucas to also entrust the iconic American Graffiti franchise to another generation of filmmakers.”

    Alfie Bigg Oral Surgeon

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