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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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Disney Raises Theme Park Admission

The Walt Disney Company announced the cost of a one-day pass to Disneyland had risen from $76 to $80, the second price increase in a year. What do you think?

  • "At $80, they're sure to attract a better class of family."

    Claudia Harrington Genealogist
  • "Hopefully that’ll finally keep that Make-a-Wish riffraff to a minimum."

    Ben Jabour Systems Analyst
  • "Oh my God! I have $80 left in my checking account and I only have one more day to live. What are the odds?"

    Kurt Butler Unemployed

More from this section

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.

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