Disney Sells Princess Leia Merchandise After Twitter Protest

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Vol 50 Issue 22

Shitty Museum Doesn’t Even Have A Mona Lisa

BOSTON—Sighing in exasperation as he walked out of yet another exhibit, appalled tourist Tom Bellarico confirmed to reporters Monday that the Boston Museum of Fine Arts is so irredeemably shitty that it does not even have a Mona Lisa.

Taco Bell Adds ‘Quesarito’ To Official Menu

After testing out a new menu item called the quesarito in Oklahoma City to much success, Taco Bell has decided to add the new creation, a beef burrito tucked inside a cheese quesadilla, to its official menu.

Mom’s Quirky Friend Turns Out To Be Joakim Noah

CHICAGO—Saying the lively but awkward stranger had long been something of a mystery, local teen Eric Hewer told reporters Thursday that he recently learned his mother’s quirky friend is in fact Chicago Bulls center Joakim Noah.

Live-Action ‘Beauty And The Beast’ In The Works

Following the box-office success of the live-action films Maleficent, Oz: The Great and Powerful, and Alice in Wonderland, Disney has announced that it’s planning a live-action version of its 1991 animated classic Beauty and the Beast.
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Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Disney Sells Princess Leia Merchandise After Twitter Protest

After a group of parents used the Twitter hashtag #WeWantLeia to protest the fact that the Disney Store currently has no Star Wars toys for girls, Disney has announced that it will roll out “several” new items featuring Princess Leia. What do you think?

  • “I hope they have plenty of items from when Leia was a sex slave in a metal bikini who couldn’t talk. That’s my daughter’s favorite!”

    Florence Fogel
    Audiologist
  • “I always thought IG-88 was the Star Wars toy for girls.”

    Alex Schloop
    Insulation Worker
  • “So there’s hope for my #WeWantNienNunb hashtag after all!”

    Rick Perrodin
    Unemployed
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