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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.
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Disney World Visitors Contract Mystery Illness

Since June, several dozen visitors to Walt Disney World’s Wild Africa Trek in Florida have been sickened by an unknown illness that causes flu-like symptoms, including nausea, fatigue, and diarrhea. What do you think?

  • “Flu-like? If I’m paying for a true African experience I better be getting some malaria-like or sickle-cell-type symptoms.”

    Scott Dube Unemployed
  • “That’s why I never let my kids stray beyond the sanitary confines of Epcot’s Norway Pavilion.”

    Gordon Julow Dehydrating-Press Operator
  • “Uh-oh. They didn’t accidentally touch Goofy, did they?”

    Ralph Borja Harbor Master

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